We're like a lot better than the average bears
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
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Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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