He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
