she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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