i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
