he puts the penis in happiness.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
