You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize