I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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