And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
