yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
