Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
