it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
