Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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