it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
