you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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