I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
