Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
