Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
