can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you didnt know i had herpes?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
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it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
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Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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