filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
