I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
