i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
