That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
