The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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