So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize