It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
