That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
