I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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