On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
