I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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