Ambien. No doubt about it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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