i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
