Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
