I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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