everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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