My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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