I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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