How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
