My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
