I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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