a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
