I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
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It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize