yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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