The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
