Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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