this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
