careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
