I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
