no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
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I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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