Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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