i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
