I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
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