I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
