dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
