but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
