I haven't been this sober since birth.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
