How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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