I'm eating all of the evidence.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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