I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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