you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
