He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
